Report may 2003

Today thirty years ago, my mom was getting an injection to finally after two weeks of delay get me to get a move on, out of her body and into the world. Of course I had no reason to come out: it was warm inside, I was well protected and food was provided to me whenever I needed it. And most of all… I didn’t have to do a thing!!!.. I spend 9 months of just floating around and relaxing. So tell me: what could be better than that??? Certainly not getting out, in all the noise and cold, being subject to all sorts of pain. But anyway after many hours of hard work, there was no escaping the inevitable: I was born!

Of course my mother could not have known that the way I was inside of here, was no different from what I wanted to be on the outside; enjoying life, without too much of a fuss. But times change and I forgot what it was like before I started to develop an ego and wishes and wanting so much out of life when I knew I forgot I had everything I needed to begin with.

But today I remembered!

Since I had my second year exams yesterday (yes on a Sunday!) of Shiatsu and I had A LOT of work that needed to be done before I could go into the examination with at least a bit of a confident feeling, I had not been thinking about my birthday much the last couple of weeks.

And I sure was reminded of it enough by people asking me, if I was going to do something this year with my birthday party… after all…turning 30 is something to be celebrated. But in all the fuss around the exams I practically forgot all about it. And to be honest, when they asked me what I wanted for my birthday… I couldn’t think of anything. Not that I have no wishes… but I just couldn’t think of anything special I wanted them to give me.

So when I woke up this morning it was hard to realize that I had turned 30. It felt a bit lonely too… being all alone… knowing there was not going to be a party of any kind. But when I was deep into my morning rituals: showering, making breakfast, trying damn hard to wake up etc., my sister called…. As every year she started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ and of course this always puts a big smile on my face but it still didn’t feel like a birthday much.

Next I got an text message from a friend, congratulating me. And then my parent called…. But not even when I had arrived at my work and a couple of co-workers had congratulated me and I had gotten everyone cake and getting my first present, it didn’t set in. It still did not feel like a birthday. I wanted to have all my friends over, and have a huge party. But I knew there was not going to be any of that. And you see, surprise party’s are strangely enough, not a big issue over here. You go to a birthday your invited to, and only if invited.

Of course my dear sister, knowing my for 30 years, knew it was not going to be something to just let slide by, thank god, she had promised to go out to dinner with me that night.

So after a day of work I drove home, I was actually a bit sad. I was going to have dinner with my sister, but there was not going to be a party which I had secretly desired. My parents are on vacation and I had not bothered to contact anyone else because I had no way of looking past my exams until the day had already arrived!

So when I got home my sister was waiting for me and we walked in together but I soon realized she had been there before…. The house was completely decorated and there was a big apple pie (which no one can make like my sister) with candles and all….. and a bouquet of flowers from my parents. And I even got to blow out the candles. With it came a card from my sister, the sweetest card ever. Especially knowing she had just gotten back from Germany that day, practically driving half the night to get home, making a cake during the day and still getting to my house on time, WITH the cake and decorations, before I arrived.

And then I knew…. Celebrating my birthday is not about big parties and spending loads of money on presents or on food and drinks. THIS is what I wanted, this is what it was about. Knowing people know you well enough to make an effort to be with you on your birthday in flesh or in spirit, not spend the money or attend a party. We had some tea and went to a restaurant (which sucked by the way) but we had a great time anyway…. Nothing fancy, just fun!

And when I got back home, I had gotten 5 telephone calls, 6 e-mails and 7 sms-messages. So there I was physically all alone on my thirtieths birthday but non the less, feeling completely surrounded by all my friends, not being able to imagine anything more beautiful than this!!!!!!!!!!!!

So next year if people ask me what I want for my birthday I will say: I want to set a date for us to do something special….. that’s all and that’s a lot more then I could ever wish for!

Closing off hoping I will send a new report before my 31st birthday will arrive.